I’ve read on multiple people’s posts, profiles, ect. how they will not tolerate being misgendered and freak out if someone uses the wrong pronoun. I understand why someone wouldn’t want to be misgendered, if someone is trans they’ve probably been called the wrong gender many times in their life…
hey every1 this dude is cool u should listen to what he has to say he is the best man i have ever met on tumblr
Invisibility is oppression! - unless you’re a Controller.
Having to explain or defend your state of mind is oppression! - unless you’re a Controller.
Being told “how do you know if you haven’t done x” is oppression! - unless you’re a Controller, then you don’t know you can’t break free.
Corrective rape is oppression! - unless you’re a Controller, and it’s “only” mindrape.
Being in the closet is oppression! - unless you’re a Controller.
Having to ‘come out’ is oppression! - unless you’re a Controller.
Being sent to a therapist because of your mental state is oppression! - unless you’re a Controller and your parents are sending you to a therapist because “you’ve changed so much” but they don’t realize the therapist is a Controller too.
Being sent to a doctor because of your mental state is oppression! - unless you’re a Controller. See above.
Not having a safe space is oppression! - unless you’re a Controller.
Having your relationships devalued because of the nature of the participants is oppression! - unless you’re a Controller, and that relationship is nonconsensual.
Having your experiences blatantly ignored is oppression! - unless you’re a Controller.
Being an a Controller is a magical way to become non-oppressed, while still suffering from oppression-like symptoms! Come join us Controllers today!
It’s that I, as a sexual, literally experience physical attraction to everyone, even if I don’t have a connection to them. To everyone. I can see someone who you would think is the ugliest girl/guy in the world and have an immediate…
yeam im sry i kneejerkd nd shoudnt hav called heteromantics straight they arent straigt if they dont want to be
ok after thinknig about it smore i realize that iw as wrong and hetromantic asexes are queer. being heteromantic doesnt mean u cant be queer.
“You aren’t gay, you are just a fag hag, sweetheart”
When I was 18 I remember attending a Queer Student Union party, my first real foray into the LGBT life on campus. I had be an out bisexual since I was 15, but there was little support for queer kids in my very white, very patriarcal town. I was…
ia it rly sucks that heteroromantic asexuals cant be considered queer its so gross and bigoted. i think heteroromantic asexuals are just as queer as anyone else. heteroromantic sexuals too.
Sexuals are harmed by heteronormativity, and we are also harmed by people insisting that we must be straight, especially hetero- and a-romantic sexuals, because not only does it erase our experiences, but it creates a fallacy that there is no way we could have problems and therefore leads people to dismiss us out of hand when we point to the things that actually are happening to us. Heteroromantic sexuals are queer too.
Okay, those of you in the GLBT* community who believe that aces don’t exist, are secretly straight, or otherwise don’t belong to “your” community:
Now that I identify as demisexual, I’ll leave. Seriously. I’ll stop calling myself queer, or part of “your” community in any way, shape, or form.
In…
Do you actually read what GLBT people have been saying about the aces that do not fit under the term “queer” or do you just make up whatever you want to feel upset by?
Since you obviously missed it: ONLY HETEROROMANTIC ACES CANNOT BE CONSIDERED QUEER, BECAUSE THEY ARE STRAIGHT.hth
Edit: Oh, and anyone who seriously writes the phrase “anti-racist” and isn’t a PoC will never be taken seriously anyway.
ur right in this post but you will always be wrong becus you’re gisei_nashi_ni and you suck
Okay, those of you in the GLBT* community who believe that aces don’t exist, are secretly straight, or otherwise don’t belong to “your” community:
Now that I identify as demisexual, I’ll leave. Seriously. I’ll stop calling myself queer, or part of “your” community in any way, shape, or form.
In exchange, you all can start a fund to give me back the hundreds of dollars I’ve dumped into “your” activist groups for “your” civil rights, since “your” rights obviously have nothing to do with my rights and mean nothing to me.
Sound fair?
xcept no 1 evr said that
no 1 said asexuals dont exist or that homo/bi-panromantitc aces r rly straigh
all they sayd was that hetero asecuals are straight
ur wilful ignranc is funny tho
EDIT sorry i was rong i don’t think hetero aseduals are rly str8 at all sorry
The important line there is, “they’re not oppressed for being a minority.” I mean, I hate to hash out this tired old line again and again but. Omission is oppression. It really is. Being denied on any level some kind of sign that there are other people like you, that you’re not broken and you’re not a horrible person is painful. I have seen a grand total of one character who has ever explicitly stated they were ace - though I will admit that she was also a wonderful human, but that doesn’t balance the fact that it is only one character on a show that almost no one has watched. That doesn’t balance the fact that most characters who I can read as ace will eventually be shown to be sexual - just busy. Or the fact that most characters who are shown to be disinterested in sex or relationships are either exaggeratedly neurotic for comical effect or, more commonly, murderous sociopaths.
And you may say, “that’s sad, but that’s not being oppressed.” But the thing is, being denied some kind of image of yourself to identify with isn’t just painful because of that. It’s painful because of the implicit messages it gives to other people. That we’re wrong. We’re broken. More than one person has told me that I just need a good dicking to change my mind (and one person in particular seemed to feel it was his responsibility to give me that dicking.) In the short time I’ve been out as ace, it has brought far more risk, bullying and general upset my way than being pan ever did. I dread ever mentioning being ace outside of my safe spaces. I live my life in actual terror of what could happen were I to be in a relationship with a sexual person who doesn’t quite fully grasp what it means for me to be asexual. I avoid bringing up my sexuality in most social contexts because I know what it’s like to be mocked and have my identity erased to my face.
So, next time you want to say it doesn’t even “seem like something that warranted coming out about,” or that “nobody gives a fuck about how strong your sex drive is, whether it is 0 or 1000, because nobody goes into that much detail.” Kindly go and shove it, because your experience is not my experience and neither of us have the right, nor the ability to speak for every asexual out there.
if omision is popresion then why does no 1 care that i m free will opresd. why am i being omitted.
On weighing in on the asexual clusterfuck.
Splitting this up into two parts, because I am realising that I had way more to say than I initially thought.
I know that there’s a chance that this post is going to be disregarded as ‘trolling’ by some people, because this is just a baby tumblr, and I don’t post about sj, and really I don’t post anything all that often. But, as they say, gators gonna gait. I’ve posted the vast majority of this over at sfd_anon (another reason people will probably think I’m trolling) in dribs and drabs in seething anon comments, but frankly I want to get all of it out in the open because this whole debacle just makes me livid, every time, and maybe pinning my name to it will be a relief*.
Quick heads up: there’s a particular (censored) slur in here, for gay women, a few times.
There’s three things I’m gonna address in these posts, just so you don’t get halfway through this and realise you dgaf. This first one’s about the way some asexual people feel entitled to the label ‘queer’, and the way they’re manipulating language to make it seem like they do deserve to be included. The next one’ll be about whether or not coming out as asexual is as comparable to coming out as LGBT as Tumblr seems to think, and, a few footnotes on a quite common and pretty ugly little nugget of transphobia that seems to be a favourite tool in some asexual people’s SJ arsenal.
I’m curious then about your opinion on asexuals (or demisexuals) who are homo/bi/pan-romantic. In my case, I came out as a lesbian first. Therefore, inclusion into the LGBT community (and permission to use “queer”) would be, according to you, granted. So would I no longer be a part of the community now that I identify as as demisexual/grey-a (albeit a homoromantic one)?
I’m going to quote the second part of this post here, and we can see the hypocrisy.
so straight trans people aren’t queer?
By your logic that straight asexuals aren’t queer, then no, straight trans people aren’t either. Many of the transgender people I have either met or heard of/found on the internet don’t even like to identify as trans*, they like to identify as the gender they have transitioned to (the gender they really are). Which would then make them an ally, not a member.
However, then you go on to say
That said, that’s just for me personally, I don’t like to be automatically labelled “queer” for being trans. BUT I don’t begrudge straight trans people their inclusion in the queer community,
Yet you’ll gladly begrudge straight asexual people for wanting to be included in the queer community. The definition of queer is anything unusual, out of the ordinary. The commonly used statistic is that 1% of the world is asexual (based on a UK study from a few years ago). Which would, at least in my eyes, make it unusual.
Who are you to say that I do or do not have a right to use a word to define myself?
I don’t want anyone in my community who cares about me as long as it benefits them and not a second more. If you’re going to be transphobic, or you’re going to ignore trans people, that’s one (ugly) thing. But don’t dress that up as if you actually give a shit about me, or you’re somehow morally superior, please&thanks.
How dare you. How dare you assume that I would only accept those who are trans* so I can get into your community. Just because I think that asexuals should be included in the queer community does NOT mean I am trans-phobic in the slightest. It does NOT mean that I would stop caring about transgender issues or rights or activism or people as soon as asexuals were “accepted.” I am completely supportive of those who are transgender. I don’t think I am better than ANYONE. And I would never just “use” them to get into a community that according to you, doesn’t even want me.
Coming out as demisexual is just as unnecessary as coming out as a lesbian. I believe coming out is unnecessary for anyone, self-acceptance is what’s important. As long as I personally am comfortable with who I am, I don’t feel I need to label it. And if I would rather just identify to the world as queer (since, I feel I am), it is none of your business to say that I’m not allowed to use the word queer or that I’m not using it right.
My whole life I’ve known I wasn’t a typical “sexual.” I had to deal with people telling me that I was “too young to know” that I didn’t want sex or that I “just hadn’t met the right person” or that one day I would “change my mind.” Sound familiar? People who come out as LGB experience the same exact things. And my being asexual has nothing to do with my “sex drive.”
Being asexual means you have no sexual desires ever. Being demisexual means that you will only ever experience sexual attraction towards a person you have a deep emotional/intellectual connection with. It’s not that I don’t want sex, as a demisexual I have had sex and even enjoy it.
It’s that I literally experience no physical attraction. To anyone. I can see someone who you would think is the hottest girl/guy in the world and have absolutely no sexual response at all. I can’t connect physical beauty and sexual desires. So no, it’s not a matter of just not having a sex drive.
Which is one of the many things asexuals face in coming out. Being told that there’s something wrong with them since they just don’t like sex or that they have a hormonal issue or maybe they were abused when they were younger or just haven’t had good enough sex. Being disregarded or shamed or having people think that you think you’re better than them because you don’t have sex. Coming out to someone you just met and having them automatically lose interest in ever being in a relationship with you.
While I can appreciate your points, I respectfully disagree. The queer community should be about acceptance of anyone who is different; not excluding people for not being different enough.
I’m curious then about your opinion on sexuals who are homo/bi/pan-romantic. In my case, I came out as a lesbian first. Therefore, inclusion into the LGBT community (and permission to use “queer”) would be, according to you, granted. So would I no longer be a part of the community now that I identify as as sexual (albeit a homoromantic one)?
I’m going to quote the second part of this post here, and we can see the hypocrisy.
so straight trans people aren’t queer?
By your logic that straight sexuals aren’t queer, then no, straight trans people aren’t either. Many of the transgender people I have either met or heard of/found on the internet don’t even like to identify as trans*, they like to identify as the gender they have transitioned to (the gender they really are). Which would then make them an ally, not a member.
However, then you go on to say
That said, that’s just for me personally, I don’t like to be automatically labelled “queer” for being trans. BUT I don’t begrudge straight trans people their inclusion in the queer community,
Yet you’ll gladly begrudge straight sexual people for wanting to be included in the queer community. The definition of queer is anything unusual, out of the ordinary. Comparatively, straight cisgender men make up a minority of the population. Which would, at least in my eyes, make them unusual.
Who are you to say that I do or do not have a right to use a word to define myself?
I don’t want anyone in my community who cares about me as long as it benefits them and not a second more. If you’re going to be transphobic, or you’re going to ignore trans people, that’s one (ugly) thing. But don’t dress that up as if you actually give a shit about me, or you’re somehow morally superior, please&thanks.
How dare you. How dare you assume that I would only accept those who are trans* so I can get into your community. Just because I think that sexuals should be included in the queer community does NOT mean I am trans-phobic in the slightest. It does NOT mean that I would stop caring about transgender issues or rights or activism or people as soon as sexuals were “accepted.” I am completely supportive of those who are transgender. I don’t think I am better than ANYONE. And I would never just “use” them to get into a community that according to you, doesn’t even want me.
Coming out as sexual is just as unnecessary as coming out as a lesbian. I believe coming out is unnecessary for anyone, self-acceptance is what’s important. As long as I personally am comfortable with who I am, I don’t feel I need to label it. And if I would rather just identify to the world as queer (since, I feel I am), it is none of your business to say that I’m not allowed to use the word queer or that I’m not using it right.
My whole life I’ve known I wasn’t a typical “asexual.” I had to deal with people telling me that I was “too young to know” that I wanted sex or that I “just hadn’t met the right person” or that one day I would “change my mind.” Sound familiar? People who come out as LGB experience the same exact things. And my being sexual has nothing to do with my “sex drive.”
Being sexual means you have sexual desires toward every-fucking-one in the world, ever, period, and that you can’t restrain yourself. Being demisexual means that you will only ever experience sexual attraction towards a person you have a deep emotional/intellectual connection with. It’s not that they don’t want sex, as a demisexual they have had sex and even enjoy it.
It’s that I, as a sexual, literally experience physical attraction to everyone, even if I don’t have a connection to them. To everyone. I can see someone who you would think is the ugliest girl/guy in the world and have an immediate desire to strip naked. So no, it’s not a matter of just having a sex drive.
Which is one of the many things sexuals face in coming out. Being told that there’s something wrong with them since they want to have sex all the time or that they have a hormonal issue or maybe they were abused when they were younger or just haven’t had good enough cake. Being disregarded or shamed or having people think that you think you’re better than them because you have sex. Coming out to someone you just met and having them automatically lose interest in ever being in a relationship with you.
While I can appreciate your points, I respectfully disagree. The queer community should be about acceptance of anyone who is different; not excluding people for not being different enough.
